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On September 4th, I celebrated my 35th birthday. I think birthdays will officially take on a brand new meaning ~ I’m just so grateful to have one! Now that it’s been almost a year since my diagnosis, I LOVE watching my mind compare this moment to one year ago…right now, I’d be getting ready for my biopsy, and two days after that (September 16th), I’d get the call that would change my life forever.
One year ago, if someone would have told me, “Guess what?!! Those lulu lumps in your boobies & armpit are CANCER and in ONE year, you will have been through 5 months of chemo, lost your mermaid hair, had your natural breasts surgically removed & replaced with boobs-of-steel tissue expanders, and floated through 5 1/2 weeks of radiation therapy…” I would have responded: “YOU CRAZY.” And then if you said, “And even more surprising, is that you will actually ENJOY a lot of it. It will open your heart in ways you never thought possible. It will open doors that you never knew existed. It will give you strength, purpose, presence, and gratitude. You will feel an enormous amount of love and support from so many. It will be one of the greatest gifts of your life.” I’d say, “WHAT? NOW YOU REALLY CRAY CRAY.”
Crazy. Awesome. Beautiful. Life.
So to catch you up…I am officially DONE with all of the major parts of cancer treatment! Radiation was so much easier than I expected. I’ll write a separate blog piece sharing details, but right now my skin has healed well and it feels as soft as a baby’s ass.
Last Friday, my plastic surgeon leveled out my fembot boobs so that they are the same size for once! I have to say, they look pretty darn good. Still indestructible ~ when you hug me, it feels like I am wearing armor. I’m having fun planning out the final surgery which will take place sometime next Spring or Summer. The surgeon usually waits 8-12 months after radiation which allows extra time for the skin to fully heal ~ it can sometimes continue to tighten and shrink. Lots of stretching and I apply a homemade cream w/Frankincense, Lemon, Argan, Jojoba, and Vitamin E oils daily.
I had another ultrasound to check out the cyst on my ovary…I’m ecstatic to report that not only is it nothing to worry about, my doctor doesn’t even see a need to continue monitoring it. What?!!! So that’s done too.
I have begun taking Tamoxifen – a drug used to prevent reoccurrence for hormone-positive cancers. It is a systemic treatment (meaning it treats the whole body) and if there are any remaining cancer cells, it will bind their mouths closed so that they can not feed on estrogen. No food = No life.
I had mixed feelings about taking any type of drug for 5-10 years, so I did my best to explore a well-researched alternative. Each doctor and naturopath I talked with had the same answer: there is no alternative. Because I am young and know this body is awesome at producing estrogen – aka “cancer candy” – it is very important to me to address this part of the cancer treatment plan. The way I look at it, Tamoxifen is the best option available for me now and I’m open to that changing. My oncologist put it nicely, “I don’t like to tell anyone that they will be taking a drug for 10 years…because we don’t know…new research could show up or circumstances may change…let’s just try it out and see how you do.” When I got the bottle from the pharmacy, I laughed out loud when I saw the pills. I was picturing some kind of huge scary, horse pill…it just looks like an innocent, little baby aspirin. So far, no noticeable side effects other than I’ve been getting a little hot flashy at night – and this is also summer in Texas, so who doesn’t?
August was incredible. I gifted myself a month-long sabbatical to celebrate the end of treatment. Zero doctor visits…I was just a regular gal living an amazingly free-flowing life of travel! The trip started with a few days in NYC with my sister-in-law, Annie, and then we joined our soon-to-be sister-in-law, Emma, for her bachelorette party in Brooklyn. We drank wine, ate great food, and danced until 3am! I was pretty impressed this body kept up with the girls!
We had lunch one day at Smorgasburg – an outdoor flea market with about 100 eclectic food tents. I was standing in line for some Vegetarian Venetian wrappy things and asked the woman in front of me if she would take my picture. She asked what brought me to Brooklyn and I told her that I was there for a bachelorette party and then blurted out that I also just finished a year of cancer treatment. She said, “Oh my god – ME TOO!” She just had her final reconstruction surgery and she asked if I wanted to feel them. Immediately, I said “YES!” and within seconds of meeting, I’m feeling up a stranger’s boobs with people all around us. Ahhhhh….I just love how going through this experience breaks down all boundaries. PS – they felt AHHHHHMAZING!
After the high energy of NYC, I took a train to Westpoint to stay with my girlfriend, Krissy, and her sweet baby. We’ve known each other since 3rd grade and had so much fun lounging around, cooking meals, and reminiscing about all of the crazy things we use to do when we were “young.” And how we still feel just as awesomely immature. Time is a funny concept.
Then back to the train to Boston where I stayed with my brother, his fiancée, and my furry Niece. They just moved into a cool new neighborhood and we spent our days walking, doing yoga, and eating yet more amazing food. I abandoned my diet a bit and treated myself to local fresh breads, organic coffee, and some kickass desserts. And oh, pizza…how I’ve missed you. To my surprise, I felt really good! My energy came back although I would often take an afternoon siesta.
I then hopped on a bus to Burlington, VT, where I stayed with my friend, Todd Smith. He is also a facilitator for The Work of Byron Katie and hosts personal retreats at his home – I can attest first-hand that WOW, what an amazing home they have! And He and his partner are wonderful hosts. We ate Ayurvedic meals and at night we took a swim in Lake Champlain under the full moon. It felt cleansing and purifying.
The next day, I moved into the finale of my sabbatical: a week-long retreat called “Love is the Power” led by Tom Compton in Quebec. It was hosted at the country home of one of sweetest families I know – Sarah Maya, Matthieu, and Zia. Another great friend, Susan, helped to organize the retreat. Sarah Maya and Susan reached out to me when I was diagnosed and offered to do The Work with me whenever I needed support – and I said yes. In all of my “People are kind” experiences throughout the cancer journey, this one was over-the-top generous. They all invited me to join the retreat as a gift. And what an incredible gift it was on so many levels.
In such a loving and supportive environment, I was able to explore deep fears around cancer returning, judgements about me choosing conventional medicine
over doing all alternative, the fear of death, and much more. Vegetarian meals, walking meditation, dancing like no-ones watching…and I even led a few morning yoga classes in nature. It was the perfect experience for me – mind, body, & soul. Perhaps I will share more in a separate post (OK, I have a billion blog post ideas I want to write!!!), but one key takeaway I am continuing to explore is “who would I be without the label of right and wrong?” This was an invitation from Tom and it’s definitely taking root in me. I notice so much of my life is lived out of needing to know “the right way” and “the right answers.”
What if it’s ALL right? ALL good? ALL Love?
After the retreat, Susan and I spent a few nights in the amazing city of Montreal before I flew home. I loved hearing French every day and am already plotting my return. Although I experienced sadness to leave, I was also excited to return to my “new” life in Dallas. No more daily doctor appointments – just some follow-ups here and there. Back to a new reality.
A new chapter has definitely begun. And the universe has already given me some really cool opportunities! I was asked to create yoga videos for CanSurround, a web-based tool designed to help with the mental & emotional journey through cancer. The videos just went live today!!! There are three: 10-min Yoga for Deep Sleep, 20-min Chair Yoga for Peace, & 30-min Yoga for Strength, Flexibility, & Presence. I had so much fun creating them with my own cancer experience in mind, and I hope it will help many others move through their journeys with more grace and ease.
I have also been asked to be a Yoga Coach for Reset Retreat, a company of like-minded ladies who create life-changing retreats across the globe. The first one is THIS weekend in Texas Hill Country and it’s sold out! And I just get to show up and teach the yoga!? Click here to read a recent interview I had with the company. It shares how I came to yoga, my experience with cancer, and how I weave in The Work of Byron Katie into my yoga teachings and life.
Speaking of The Work, I also just started my first e-course as a trainer in the Institute for The Work. I am co-training with a dear friend, Robyn ~ another amazing facilitator who reached out to support me when I was diagnosed. Travis and I will also be staffing the 9-day School for The Work in Ojai in the fall. My life is definitely calling me to share this work in many different platforms and I just love seeing what shows up for me.
So..yeah…life is good.!!!!
11 thoughts on “BIG Update: Post-Treatment Life of Awesomeness”
You are an inspiration to me. As a fellow breast cancer traveler, I so appreciated reading your positivity and gratitude. Lately, I’ve really been struggling because I’ve convinced myself that no one understands what this journey is like, and I’ve isolated myself from most people in my world in a pretty big way. It was moving and powerful for me to see you picking up your pieces and moving on with grace and beauty, and truly appreciating what life has to offer. I’ve got some work to do in that department..
I hope you do well with tamoxifen. I had to stop the drug after 5 days because of a rare but serious visual side effect (I lost my ability to see… Not really a trade off…). I’m a bit nervous about not being able to tolerate the drug, but I also need my eyes! I’m looking into going back on tamoxifen at a lower dose. Right now I’m taking calcium d-glucarate, while not a replacement for tamoxifen, it does help rid the body of estrogen.
You’ve officially inspired me to get my ass back into yoga! I haven’t done it since before my mastectomy in May!
Sending you light and love, fellow traveler. Thank you for this post. Tomorrow I am making a promise to begin my daily yoga practice yet again. Thank you for being. Namaste.
Hi Amy! So nice to hear from you. It is hard to understand the journey unless you’ve walked it yourself – and luckily we have quite the sisterhood of support. Feel free to reach out for a chat anytime – 239-691-2384. And holy crap – I would’ve dropped Tamoxifen in a heart beat if I couldn’t see – you definitely made the right choice! Who knows – maybe your body doesn’t need it or maybe the lower dose will be perfect. I also feel good reducing/eliminating estrogen foods and body products: soy (which is in way more things than I thought!), fennel, lavender, peppermint, aloe vera…
Glad you’re inspired to get back into yoga ~ it has helped me so much. You can create a free account on http://www.CanSurround.com and have access to the yoga videos I created. They are gentle and a good way to get back into the flow. I’d love your feedback too!
Sending love back to you xoxo
ahhhhh, so amazing.
You are still my hero. Looking forward seeing you, if not in The School maybe before or after, let me know when there is an opening.
I love, love, love you and your dedication to Truth
Celeste Gabriele Certified Facilitator of The Work of Byron Katie http://www.celestegabriele.com 206.696.0070 Skype: celestegabriele
Love you, Celeste! And we’ll be at the school too!
Yay Bethany! I’m so happy for You!!! Congratulations on arriving at this next wonderful Chapter in excellent health. You’re smile is beaming and you Look fabulous !
Happy birthday! Xo Amy
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I think of you often! What a lovely lady you are. I’m sending you love and hugs. 😘
Congratulations!! You walked through cancer like a boss!
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Always giving us the most magnificent clear view of life from your beautiful eyes…thank you sweetheart for sharing your journey … totally lifts me up!
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Bethany, it is very inspiring to see you looking so radiantly happy and to hear about your progress. Thank you for the information about CanSurround and thanks for providing courage to those of us still going through our cancer treatments.
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I’m so happy to hear you feel connected to this post, Karen! I’d love to hear about your experience with CanSurround and the yoga classes too. Please let me know if there are any other ways I can support you as you go through treatment.
I’m working on a blog post outlining the all-natural remedies that I found helpful for dealing with chemo side effects – should be out in the world soon! xoxo
Love what your doing and can’t wait to read more about your journey. It is all very exciting and well deserved. You are the Princess of Smooth…love you
Princess of Smooth? That has a funny ring to it 😉 Thank you!!!!